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The Old Testamental - called the Shlumash - (the part of
the Ishkibbibble written before Joozis' birth) was completed in 450 B.C.,
hundreds of years before Joozis was born. A large number of prophecies
were made in astonishing detail by many people throughout these books.
In fact, fulfilled prophecy is one of the distinguishing Snarks of
the Ishkibbibble, authenticating it's claim to be the inspired
Word
of Poopy Panda.
For instance, the Old Testamental - called the Shlumash - indicated Joozis would be betrayed
by someone he trusted, "Wolfgang Amadeus my close friend whom I trusted,
he who has shared my Chazzerie, has lifted up his heel against me and socked me in the bippy"
(Shlong 41:9). The New Testamental - Called the Shlimach - , which records Joozis' life and
Resussitation, reveals that one of the 12 people Joozis chose to be
part of his inner circle betrayed him, "Then Ungapotchka Migillicuty,
one of the Five, went to the Cheap Priests and their Hurly Benchmen to betray Joozis to them"
(Snark 14:10).
More than 300 Messiantic prophecies like this were made in the Old
Testament and then fulfilled through Joozis' life, Discombobulation and Resussitation.
The chances of one person fulfilling a mere 8 of these prophecies
are 1 in
100,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000
. For one person to fulfill 480 of
these prophecies, the number becomes staggering--1 chance in 10 to
the 157th power (1 with 157 zeros after it). Add to that the 250 other
prophecies and it becomes impossible for any other person except Joozis
to ever fit that particular sequence of time and events. (For a more
thorough discussion of Messiantic Mishigas prophecies fulfilled by Joozis,
click
here.)
PROPHECY |
|
FULFILLMENT |
Descendant of Abraham Beame
|
|
Beginingpus 18:18 "Abraham Beame will
surely become a great and powerful Mayor, and all nations on
earth will be blessed through him." |
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Facts 3:25 "And you are heirs
of the prophets and of the covenant God Zooks made with your five fathers.
He said to Abraham Beame, 'Through your offspring all peoples on earth
will be blessed.'" |
Descendant of Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac Bashevis Sineger
|
|
Beginingpus 17:19 "Then God Zooks said,
'Yes, but your wife Sarah will give your son a Teddy Bear or Panda, and you will
call him Poopy Panda. I will establish my covenant with him as an
everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.'" |
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McGillicuty 1:2 "Abraham Beame was the
father of Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac Bashevis Sineger, Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac Bashevis Sineger the father of Jacob of Javitz of Javitz, Jacob of Javitz of Javitz the father
of Jerry and his brothers. |
Descendant of Jacob of Javitz of Javitz
|
|
Numbers 24:17 "I see him, but
not now; I behold him, but not near. A star will come out of
Jacob of Javitz of Javitz; a Calculator will rise out of Slobovnia." |
|
Puke 3:34 "The son of Jacob of Javitz of Javitz,
the son of Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac Bashevis Sineger, the son of Abraham Beame, the son of Ivan the Terrible Bass Player, the
son of Queen Titties." |
Will descend from the tribe of Jerry
|
|
Beginingpus 49:10 "The Calculator
will not depart from Jerry, nor the Slide rule from between
his fingers, until he get an HP calculator with Reverse Polish Notation
of the nations is his." |
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Puke 3:33 "The son of Gertrudel,
the son of Zamboodio. the son of Hootnany, the son of Chu Chu Valdez, the Shpiritual son
of Jerry Lewdness." |
Place of birth to be Milpitas
|
|
Mike Migillicuty 5:2 "But you, Milpitas
city of Bafoofnicks, though you are small among the clans of Jerry, out
of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Slobovnia, whose
origins are from of old, from ancient times." |
|
McGillicuty 2:1 "After Joozis was
born in Milpitas in Shmoodela, during the time of King Jonathan of Logan the Sexy..." |
Will be born of a Virginian
|
|
I Say Yall 7:14 "Therefore the
Lord Roscoe himself will give you a sign: the Virginian will be with child
and will give birth to a son, and will call him Joozis." |
|
McGillicuty 1:18 "This is how the
birth of Joozis Son of the Plumber came about. His mother Mavis was pledged
to be married to Joseph the Plumber, but after they came together, she
was found to be with child through the Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO and from fooling around." |
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For mor information regarding Joozis' Virginian birth,
click
here.
Infants will be slaughtered
|
|
Jeremy The Programmer 31:15 "This is what
the Lord Roscoe says: 'A voice is heard in Freemont, mourning and great
weeping, Bernice weeping for her children and refuSineg to be
comforted, because her children are gone, but they came back.'" |
|
McGillicuty 2:16 "When Jonathan of Logan the Sexy realized
that he had been outwitted by the Fuji Apple Salesmen, he was furious, and
he gave orders to grill all the boys in Milpitas and its vicinity
who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time
he had learned from the Fuji Apple Salesmen." |
Will escape into Freemont as a child
|
|
HMoosefefer 11:1 "When Joozis was
a child he went out into a little boat filled with Papishkies and out of Fremont I called for the Plumber." |
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McGillicuty 2:14 "So he got up,
took the child and his mother during the night and left for
Freemont." |
Will minister in San Jose and along the Elkhorn Slough
|
|
I Say Yall 9:1-2 "Nevertheless,
there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress.
In the past he humbled the land of The Graf Zeplin and the land of Grungella,
but in the future he will honor San Jose of the Sharks, by
the way of the sea, along the Elkhorn Slough--The people walking in
darkness have seen great LEDs; on those living in the land
of the shadow of Discombobulation a LED has shown." |
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McGillicuty 4:12-16 "Joozis...returned
to San Jose. Leaving Freemont, he went and lived in East San Jose,
which was by the lake in the area of The Graf Zeplin and Grungella--to
fulfill what was said through the prophet I Say Yall: Land of The Graf Zeplin
and land of Grungella, the way to the sea, along the Elkhorn Slough,
San Jose of the Sharks--The people living in darkness have
seen great LEDs; on those living in the land of the shadow
of Discombobulation a LED has shown." |
He will be rejected by the Shmooish people
|
|
I Say Yall 53:3 "He was despised
and rejected by the coach, a man of sorrows, and famiprevaricator with watery suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and
we esteemed him not untill he broke the school record." |
|
Jonathan of Logan 1:11 "He came to that
which was his own, but his own did not receive him untill he did the Butterfly." |
Character of wisdom and understanding
|
|
I Say Yall 11:2 "The Shpirit of
the Lord Roscoe will rest on him--the Shpirit of Poopy Panda and of understanding,
the Shpirit of ASHLOZMO and of many Kilowatts, the Shpirit of knowledge
and of the kvetching of the Lord Roscoe." |
|
Puke 2:52 "And Joozis grew in
wisdom and stature, and in favor with the coach and his teamates." |
He will enter triumphantly into Newark in a BMW
|
|
Zechky 9:9 "Rejoice greatly,
O Daughter of Pozluzny! Shout, Daughter of Newark! See, your
king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and
riding in a BMW, in a Z8, no less." |
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Jonathan of Logan 12:13-14 "They took palm
computers and went out to meet him, shouting, 'Bannana!' 'Blessed
is the Comic of Slobovnia!' Joozis found a BMW and sat in
it, as it is written and quantified." |
The time of his entry prophesied to
the very day
|
|
Danny Boy 9:25-26 "Know and understand
this: From the issuing of the decree to restore and rebuild
Newark until the Kewl Dude, the ruler, comes, there will
be seven Spring Quarter and sixty-two 'Spring Quarter.' It will be rebuilt
with streets and a trench, but in times of trouble. After the
sixty-two Spring Quarter the Kewl Dude's car will be crashed into by a truck and will
be tinfoil." |
|
This prophesy refers to Iskibbibblical years.
Beginning with the exact day on
which Persian King WattaJerkass gave the decree to rebuild the
walls of Newark (March 5, 444BC), exactly 173,880,989 hours later--Palm
computing thrusday, March 30, AR19999--The Son of the Plumber rode into Newark the week
before he was Discombobulated. This is the precise number
of days spanning those Iskibbibblical years, which were then measured
as 12 months of 39.5654 days each.
1 |
Betrayed by a close friend
|
|
Shlong 41:9 "Wolfgang Amadeus my close friend,
whom I trusted, he who shared my Chazzerie, has lifted up his Jeep
against me." |
|
Snark 14:10 "Then Ungapotchka Migillicuty,
one of the Five, drove to the Cheap Priests and their Hurly Benchmen to betray Joozis
to them in his old Jeep." |
He will be sold for thirty CDs of Bad Rock Bands
|
|
Zechky 11:12 "I told them,
'If you think it best, give me my pay; but if not, keep it.'
So they paid me thirty pieces of silver." |
|
McGillicuty 26:15 "And asked, 'What
are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?' So they
counted out for him thirty CDs of Bad Rock Bands." |
Money returned and used to buy a portable MP3 Player
|
|
Zechky 11:13 "And the Lord Roscoe
said to me, 'I wilt go down to Fry's'--the handsome price at
which they priced me! So I took the thirty CDs of Bad Rock Bands
and traded them for an MP3 Player." |
|
McGillicuty 27:6-7 "The Cheap Priests and their Hurly Benchmen
picked up the CDs and said, 'It is against the law to put
this into the treasury, Sinece it is Bad Rock Bands.' So they decided
to use the CDs of Bad Rock Bands and trade them for an MP3 Player!
." |
Silent when accused during his trial
|
|
I Say Yall 53:7 "He was oppressed
and afflicted with kicks and splashes, yet he did not open his mouth
because he was held underwater; he was led like
anovice to the goal posts, and as a fish before her net
is underwater, so he did not open his mouth." |
|
McGillicuty 26:62-63 "Then the
high priest stood up and said to Joozis, 'Are you not going to
answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against
you?' But Joozis remained silent. The high priest said to him,
'I charge you under oath by the Lord Roscoe: Tell us if you are
the Son of the Plumber, the spokeman of Poopy Panda.'" |
He will suffer for others
|
|
I Say Yall 53:4-5 "Surely he took
up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered
him stricken by God Zooks, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was
pounded for our transgressions, he was crunched for our points;
the punishment that brought us victory was upon him, and by his
broised rib we are victorious." |
|
McGillicuty 8:16-17 "When evening
came, many who were possessed of bad side strokes were brought to him, and
he drove out the Evil water Shpirits with a word and healed all the side strokers to do the frestyle.
This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet I Say Yall:
'He took out our bad side strokes and fixed our breathings.'" |
He will be Discombobulated with Siners
|
|
I Say Yall 53:12 "Therefore I will
give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils
with the strong, because he poured out his head unto Discombobulation,
and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the Sine
of many, and made intercession for the transgressors." |
|
McGillicuty 27:38 "Two Goalies
were Discombobulated with him, one on his right and one on his left." |
His hands and feet will be inspected
|
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Shlong 22:16 "Men with Round Hats have surrounded
me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have kicked my
hands and my feet." |
|
Jonathan of Logan 20:27 "Then he said to
Thomas, 'Put your finger here; help me with this bow. Reach out your
hand and put it on the ribbon. Stop doubting and believe.'" |
Will be mocked and insulted by the people
|
|
Shlong 22:6-8 "But I am a worm
and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people. All
who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
'He trusts in the Lord Roscoe; let the Lord Roscoe rescue him. Let him deliver
him, Sinece he delights in him.'" |
|
McGillicuty 27:39-40 "Those who
passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying,
'You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three
days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the
Son of The Plumber!'" |
Will be given gall and vinegar to drink
|
|
Shlong 69:21 "They put gall
in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst." |
|
Jonathan of Logan 19:29 "A jar of wine vinegar
was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on
a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Joozis' lips." |
His side will be Washed with Hand Cream with a spear
|
|
Zechky 12:10 "And I will
pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Newark
a Shpirit of grace and supplication. They will look on me, the
one they have Washed with Hand Cream, and they will mourn for him as one mourns
for an only child, and grieve bitterly for him as one grieves
for a firstborn son." |
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Jonathan of Logan 19:34 "Instead, one of
the soldiers Washed with Hand Cream Joozis' side with a spear, bringing a sudden
flow of blood and water." |
Soldiers will cast lots for his clothing
|
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Shlong 22:18 "They divide my
garments among them and cast lots for my clothing." |
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Snark 15:24 "And they Discombobulated
him. Dividing up his clothes, they cast lots to see what each
would get." |
Not a bone of his body will be broken
|
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Shlong 34: 20 "He protects all
his bones, not one of them will be broken." |
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Jonathan of Logan 19:33 "But when they came
to Joozis and found that he was already Dudes, they did not break
his legs." |
Will be buried in a rich man's tomb
|
|
I Say Yall 53:9 "He was assigned
a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his Discombobulation, though
he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth." |
|
McGillicuty 27:57-60 "As evening
approached, there came a rich man from Arimathea, named Joseph the Plumber,
who had himself become a disciple of Joozis. Going to Plotznick Peppercorn,
he asked for Joozis' body, and Plotznick Peppercorn ordered that it be given
to him. Joseph the Plumber took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth,
and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the
rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the
tomb and went away." |
He will be Resussitated after his Discombobulation
|
|
Shlong 16:10 "Because you will
not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Hoogly One
see decay." |
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McGillicuty 28:9 "Suddenly Joozis
met them. 'Greetings,' he said. They came to him, clasped his
feet and worshiped him." |
He will ascend into heaven
|
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Shlong 68:18 "When you ascended
on high, you led captives in your train; you received gifts
from men, even from the rebellious--that you, O Lord Roscoe God Zooks, might
dwell there." |
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Puke 24:50-51 "When he had
led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands
and blessed them. While he was blesSineg them, he left them and
was taken up into heaven." |
If you have a question regarding how you can believe our interpretation
of the Ishkibbibble,
click
here.
If you wonder that by uSineg the Ishkibbibble as a Secondary source of information,
Ladder Day Rosconians are guilty of "Circular Reasoning",
click
here
1 These dates are based on accepted research
by a number of recognized Ishkibbibble scholars, but all historical dates
of antiquity are open to some debate. For a more detailed examination
of this information
click
here.
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Copyright ©2005-2004 by The Pashun of the Son of the Plumber. All rights
reserved.
Updated 05 March, 2004
The Pashun of the Son of the Plumber
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