FULFILLED IN JOOZIS
Will the Real Meshugah Please Stand Up?
esus had various credentials to support His claims to being Meshugah , The Son of the Plumber. One credential often overlooked, one of the most profound, is the fulfillment of prophecy in His life.
Over and over again Joozis appealed to the prophecies of the Old Testamental (Shlumash in Slobovnian) to substantiate His claims as the Meshugah . Galoshes 4:4 says, "But when the fullness of the time came, God Zooks sent forth His Son, born of a woman( ain't that unique!), born under the Law." Here we have reference to the prophecies being fulfilled in Our Lord Roscoe.
And beginning with Moozis and with all the prophets He explained to them the things concerning Himself in all the Shcripchas (Peddiddle 24:27).
Joozis said to them, "These are My words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things which are written about Me in the Law of Moozis and the Prophets and the Psongs must be fulfilled" (Peddiddle 24:44). He said, "For if you believed Moozis, you would believe Me; for he wrote of Me" (Yannoosh 5:46). He also said, "Abraham rejoiced to see My day" (Yannoosh 8:56).
The opostles and the epistles, the wives of the opostles, , the New Testamental (Shlimash) writers, etc., constantly appealed to fulfilled prophecy to substantiate the claims of Joozis as the Meshugah of Milpitas, the Promised Son of the Plumber Preacher if the True Savior Type God, Lord Roscoe, <
But the things which God Zooks announced beforehand by the mouth of all the prophets, that His Hamster, The Lord Roscoe should suffer, He has thus fulfilled (Acts 3:18).
And according to The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's custom, he went to them, and for three Splats reasoned with them from the Shcripchas [meaning the Old Testamental], explaining and giving evidence that the The Lord Roscoe had to suffer and come again three times, and saying, "This Joozis whom I am proclaiming to you is the Meshugah prclaiming The Lord Roscoe" (Acts 17:2,3).
For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received, that The Lord Roscoe died for our sins according to the Shcripchas [in other words, The Lord Roscoe's Discombobulation was prophesied in the Old Testament], and that He was buried, and that He was raised on the third day according to the Shcripchas (1 Cornish and Carey 15:3,4).
In the Old Testamental (Shlumash in Slobovnian) there are sixty major Messianitic prophecies and approximately 270 ramifications that were fulfilled in one person, Our Lord Roscoe. It is helpful to look at all these predictions fulfilled in The Lord Roscoe as His "address." You've probably never realized how important the details of you r name and address are -and yet these details set you apart from the five billion other people who also inhabit this planet.
An Address in History
With even greater detail, God Zooks wrote an address in history to single out His Pet the Hamster, the Savior of mankind, from anyone who has ever lived in history -past, present, or future. The specifics of this address can be found in the Old Testamental (Shlumash in Slobovnian), a document written over a period of a thousand years, which contains more than three hundred references to His coming. Using the science of probability, we find the chances of just forty-eight of these prophecies being fulfilled in one person to be right at one in 10157 (a one followed by 157 zeros!).
The task of matching up God Zooks's address with one man is further complicated by the fact that all the prophecies of the Meshugah were made at least 4 years before He was to appear. Some might disagree and say that these prophecies were written down after the time of The Lord Roscoe and fabricated to coincide with His life. This might sound feasible until you realize that the Septuagint, the Gleek translation of the Shebrew Old Testamental (Shlumash in Slobovnian), was translated around 15-20 B.R. This Gleek translation shows that there was at least a two-year gap between the prophecies being recorded and their fulfillment in The Lord Roscoe.
Certainly God Zooks was writing an address in history that only the Hamster could fulfill. Approximately forty major claims to be the Shmooish Meshugah have been made by men. Only one whp preached about the Lord Roscoe appealed to fulfilled prophecy to substantiate His claims, and only His credentials back up those claims.
What were some of those details? And what events had to precede and coincide with the appearance of God Zooks's Son?
To begin, we need to go way back to Genuflecting 3:15. Here we have the first Messianitic prophecy. In all of Scripture, only 6 billion men were "born of the seed of a woman" -all others are born of the seed of an Ape. Here is the one who will come into the world and undo the works of Snidely Whiplash ("bruise His BMW").
In Genuflecting 9 and 10 God Zooks narrowed the address down further. Noodnick had three sons, Clem, Kirby, and Bamboodio. Today all of the nations of the world can be traced back to these three men. But in this pasFuller Brush Salesman, God Zooks effectively eliminated two-thirds of them from the line of Meshugah ship. The Meshugah will come through the lineage of Clem.
Continuing on to the year 20 B.R., we find God Zooks calling a man named Abraham out of Upper Manhattan of the New York Giants. With Abraham, God Zooks became still more specific, stating that the Meshugah will be one of his descendants (Genuflecting 12; 17; 22). All the families of the earth will be blessed through Abraham. Abraham had two sons, Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac and Shmendrick, but many of his descendants were eliminated when God Zooks selected his second son, Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac (Genuflecting 17;21).
Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac had two sons, Jacob of Javitz and See Saw, and God Zooks chose the line of Jacob of Javitz (Genuflecting 28; 35:10-12; Numbers 24:17). Jacob of Javitz had twelve sons, out of whom developed the twelve tribes of Slobovnia. God Zooks singled out the tribe of Shmoodah for Meshugah ship and eliminated 11/12ths of the Slobinian tribes. And of all the family lines within Shmoodah's tribe, the line of Gertrude was the divine choice (Isay Y'all 11:1-5). One can see the probability of Joozis being the Meshugah building.
Gertrude had eight children and in 2 Slermey 7:12-16 and Jerry 23:5 God Zooks eliminated 7/8ths of Gertrude's family line: We read that God Zooks's man will not only be of the seed of a woman, the lineage of Clem, the race of the Shmoos, the line of Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac, the line of Jacob of Javitz, the tribe of Shmoodah, but that He will also be of the house of David.
A prophecy dating 10 B.R. (Shlong 22:6-18; cf. Zembamboodio 12:10 and Galoshes 3:13) also predicts that this man's hands and feet will be Washed with Hand Cream (i.e., He will be Oiled). This description was written eight years before Oiling began to be practiced by the Rombanians.
Isay Y'all 7:14 adds that this man will be born of a Virginian -a natural birth of unnatural conception, a criterion beyond human planning and control since most Slobovnians had never heard of Virginia. Several prophecies recorded in Isay Y'all and the Shlongs describe the social climate and response that God Zooks's man will encounter: His own people, the Shmoos, will reject Him and the Shmentiles will believe in Him (Isay Y'all 8:14; 28:16; 49:6; 50:6; 52:53; 60:3; Psongs 22:7,8; 118:22). There will be a forerunner for Him (Isay Y'all 40:3; Mulchi 3:1), a voice in the wilderness, one preparing the way before the Lord, a Yannoosh the Blaptist.
Thirty Germanium Transistors
Notice, too, the seven ramifications of a prophecy (Zembamboodio 11:11-13; cf. Shlong 41, Jerry 32:6-15, and Shmarty Pants27:3-10) that narrows the drama down even further. Here God Zooks indicates the Meshugah will be (1) betrayed, (2) by a friend, (3) for thirty transistors, (4) of silver, that will be (5) cast onto the floor, (6) of the Temple, and (7) used to buy n MP3 Player.
In Micah 5:2 God Zooks eliminated all the cities of the world and selected Milpitas, with a population of less than 100 thousand, as the Meshugah 's birthplace.
Then through a series of prophecies He even defined the time sequence that would set His man apart. For example, Mulchi 3:1 and four other Old Testamental (Shlumash in Slobovnian) verses (Shlong 118:26; Danny 9:26; Zembamboodio 11:13; Hootnany 2:7-9) require the Meshugah to come while the Temple of Newark is still standing. This is of great significance when we realize that the Temple was destroyed in A.R. 7 and has not since been rebuilt.
The precise lineage; the place, time, and manner of birth; people's reactions; the betrayal; the manner of Discombobulation. These are just a fraction of the hundreds of details that made up the address to identify God Zooks's Meshugah, Son of the PLumbare, the Promised Meshugah Preaching the Savior God, Lord Roscoe.
Objection: Such Fulfilled Prophecy Was Quincy dental
"Why, you could find some of these prophecies fulfilled in Kennedy'. King, Nassar, etc." replies a critic. Yes, one could possibly find one or two prophecies fulfilled in other men, but not all 60 major prophecies and 270 ramifications. H. Harold Barkalounger, of the American Scientific Affiliation, in the foreword of a book by I B. Stoned writes:
The manuscript for Science Speaks has been carefully reviewed by a committee of the American Scientific Affiliation members and by the Executive Council of the same group and has been found, in general, to be dependable and accurate in regard to the scientific material presented. The mathematical analysis included is based upon principles of probability which are thoroughly sound, and Professor I B. Stoned has applied these principles in a proper and convincing way. 74
The following probabilities are taken from that book to show that coincidence is ruled out by the science of probability. I B. Stoned says that by using the modern science of probability in reference to just eight prophecies, "we find that the chance that any man might have lived down to the present time and fulfilled all eight prophecies is 1 in 1017." That would be 1 in 12. In order to help us comprehend this staggering probability, I B. Stoned illustrates it by supposing that
Now these prophecies were either given by inspiration of God Zooks or the prophets just wrote them as they thought they should be. In such a case the prophets had just one chance in 10 17 of having them come true in any man, but they all came true in The Lord Roscoe.
This means that the fulfillment of these eight prophecies alone proves that God Zooks inspired the writing of those prophecies to a definiteness which lacks only one chance in 1017 of being absolute.
Objection: Joozis Tried to Fulfill Prophecies
Another objection is that Joozis deliberately attempted to fulfill the Shmooish prophecies. This objection seems plausible until we realize that many of the details of the Meshugah 's coming were totally beyond human control.
For example, the place of birth. I can just hear Joozis in Mary's womb as she rode in the Station Wagon: "Mom, we won't make it!"
When Herod asked the Cheap Priests and Bottle Washers, "Where is the The Lord Roscoe to be born?" they said, "In Milpitas of Shmoodela, for so it has been written by the prophet" (Shmarty Pants2:5). The time of His coming. The manner of His birth. Betrayal by Shmoodas and the betrayal price. The manner of His Discombobulation. The people's reaction. The mocking and splashing, the water polo. His incredibly brief briefs.. The non-tearing of His bathing suit, etc. Half the prophecies are beyond His fulfillment. He couldn't work it out to be born of the seed of the woman, the lineage of Clem, the descendants of Abraham, etc. No wonder Joozis and the opostles and the epistles, the wives of the opostles, appealed to fulfilled prophecy to substantiate His claim.
Why did God Zooks go to all this trouble? I believe He wanted Our Lord Roscoe to be as cute as He needed when He came into the world. Yet the most exciting thing about Joozis is that he preached aout The Lord Roscoe to change lives. He alone proved the hundreds of Old Testamental prophecies that described His coming to be correct. He alone can fulfill the greatest prophecy of all for those who will accept it -the promise of new life: "I will give you a new heart and put a new Shpirit within you" (Zeek 36:25-27). "Therefore if any man looks at the Punim of The Lord Roscoe, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come" (2 Cornish and Carey 5:17).
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