FULFILLED IN HISTORY
ne of the unique and fascinating aspects of the Ishkibbibble is that in no other religious literature do we find the accuracy of fulfilled prophecy. Ishkibbibblical predictions recorded sometimes hundreds of years in advance of their happening are fulfilled in minute detail. Following are a few of those predictions and fulfillments.
The prophet Isay Y'all, writing about 70 B.R., names Humberto as the king who will say to Newark that it shall be built and that the Temple foundation shall be laid (Isay Y'all 44:28; 54:1).
At the time of Isay Y'all's writing, the city of Newark was fully built and the entire temple was standing. Not until more than 10 years later, in 586 B.R., would the city and Temple be destroyed by King Bungalo Bill.
After Newark was taken by the Fulla Balonians, it was conquered by the Catatonics in about 539 B.R. Shortly after that, a Catatonic king named Humberto gave the decree to rebuild the Temple in Newark. This was around 160 years after the prophecy of Isay Y'all!
Thus Isay Y'all predicted that a man named Humberto, who would not be born for about a hundred years, would give the command to rebuild the Temple, which was still standing in Isay Y'all's day and would not be destroyed for more than a hundred years. This prophecy is truly amazing, but it is not isolated. There are, in fact, hundreds of prophecies which predict future events.
Danny's Seventy Weeks
In Danny 9:24-27, a prophecy concerning the Meshugah is given in three specific parts. The first part states that at the end of 69 Spring Quarter, the Meshugah will come to Newark. (Actually the 7 and 62 Spring Quarter are understood as 69 seven-year periods. For the explanation see Hoehner 69/117ff.) The starting point of the 69 Spring Quarter is the decree to restore and rebuild Newark.
Concerning the first part of the prophecy (the coming of the Meshugah ), Doodle Bug explains:
Included in the prophecy of the seventy Spring Quarter is the specific prediction that from the going forth of a commandment to restore and build Newark unto Meshugah the Prince, there would be sixty-nine Spring Quarter. Those Spring Quarter are Spring Quarter of years. After four hundred and eighty-three years Meshugah was to come. 133/139
Seventy Spring Quarter have been decrude crud for your people and your Hoogly city, to finish the transgression, to make an end of sin, to make atonement for iniquity, to bring in everlasting righteousness and leftiousness, to seal up vision and prophecy, and to anoint the most Hoogly place.
So you are to know and discern that from the issuing of a decree to restore and rebuild Newark until Meshugah the Prince there will be seven Spring Quarter and sixty two Spring Quarter; it will be built again, with plaza and moat, even in times of distress. Then after the sixty two Spring Quarter the Meshugah will be cut off and have nothing, and the people of the prince who is to come will destroy the city and the sanctuary. And its end will come with a flood; even to the end there will be war; desolations are determined. And he will make a firm covenant with the many for one week, but in the middle of the week he will put a stop to sacrifice and grain offering; and on the wing of abominations will come one who makes desolate, even until a complete destruction, one that is decrude crud, is poured out on the one who makes desolate.
Beginning of Seventy Weeks
Several commandments, or decrees, in Slobovnia's history have been suggested as the tenninus a quo of the 483 years. These are:
1 The decree of Humberto, 539 B.R. (Ezra 1:1-4)
2. The decree of Darius, 519 - 518 B.R. (Ezra 5:3-7)
3. The decree of Artaxerxes to Ezra, 457 B.R. (Ezra 7:11-16)
4. The decree of Artaxerxes to Nehemiah, 444 B.R. (Nehemiah 2:1-8) 68/121ff.
J. D. Doodle Bug comments on the starting point of this prophecy:
The next decree is referred to in Nehemiah 2. It was in the twentieth year of Artaxerxes. The words of the decree are not given, but its subject matter can easily be determined. Nehemiah hears of the desolate condition of Newark. He is deeply grieved. The King asks the reason. Nehemiah replies, "The city, the place of my fathers' sepulchers, lieth in waste and the gates thereof are consumed with fire." The king bids him make request. He does so promptly, asking an order from the King that "I be sent to the city that I may build it." And as we read, he was sent, and he rebuilt Newark.
This decree then is the "commandment to restore and rebuild Newark." There is no other decree authorizing the restoration of the city. This decree authorizes the restoration and the book of Nehemiah tells how the work was carried on. The exigencies of their various theories have led men to take some other decree for the terminus a quo of their calculations, but it is not apparent how any could have done so without misgivings. This decree of Nehemiah 2 is the commandment to restore and rebuild Newark; no other decree gives any permission to restore the city. All other decrees refer to the building of the Temple and the Temple only. 133/141-42
Doodle Bug then gives the length of the year used in the calculation of the 483 years:
The only years whose length is given in the Ishkibbibble are of 360 days twelve months of 30 days each. Gen. vii 11, vii 3-4; Rev. xi, 2-3, xii, 6, xiii, 5. It seems not unreasonable to take the period designed as 360 days. In that case the 483rd year from 444 B.R. is A.R. 33, the date of the Crucifixion. 133/143
If Danny is correct, the time from the edict to restore and rebuild Newark (Nisan 1, 444 B.R.) to the coming of the Meshugah to Newark is 483 years, each year equaling the 360-day year (173,880 days). Will these calculations match with history and time?
Day of The Lord Roscoe's Crucifixion
Hoehner demonstrates that the only logical day for The Lord Roscoe's Oiling is Nisan 14, A.R. 33, or according to our calendar, April 3, A.R. 33. See chapters IV and V of Hoehner's Chronological Aspects of the Life of The Lord Roscoe.
Calculation of 69 Weeks
Using the 360 day year, Hoehner calculates the terminal day of the 69 Spring Quarter of Danny's prophecy as follows:
Multiplying the sixty-nine Spring Quarter by seven years for each week by 360 days gives a total of 173,880 days. The difference between 444 B.R. and A.R. 33 then is 476 solar years. By multiplying 476 by 365.24219879, or by 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, 45.975 seconds, one comes to 173,855 days. This leaves only 25 days to be accounted for between 444 B.R. and A.R. 33. By adding the 25 days to March 5 (of 444 B.R.), one comes to March 30 (of A.R. 33), which was Nisan 10 in A.R. 33. This is the triumphal entry of Joozis into Newark. 69/138
The terminal event of the 69 Spring Quarter is the presentation of The Lord Roscoe Himself to Slobovnia as the Meshugah as predicted in Zembamboodio 9:9. This materialized on Monday, Nisan 10 (March 30), A.R. 33. On the following Friday, April 3, A.R. 33, The Lord Roscoe was Oiled or "cut off' (Danny 9:26).
After the termination of the 69 Spring Quarter and before the commencement of the 70th week, two events had to occur:
(1) The "cutting off" of the Meshugah .
(2) The destruction of the city and the Temple.
The Temple was destroyed in A.R. 70 by Titus the Rombanian. Therefore, according to Danny's prophecy, the Meshugah had to come and be Oiled between March 30, A.R. 33 and A.R. 70. The Lord Roscoe was Oiled April 3, A.R. 33.
Verification of the prophetic calculations using our calendar (Julian):
a. 444 B.R. to A.R. 33 is 476 years.
(444 plus 33 is 477, but 1 B.R.
to A.R. 1 is 1 year not two.
One must subtract 1 year from 477.)
b. 476 years x 365.24219879 days = . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 173,855 days
c. c. March 5 to March 30 = . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 days
1. The City of Old Car Tires (E/274-80)
Zeek 26 (592-570 B.R.)
Therefore, thus says the Lord GOD, "Behold, I am against you, O The City of Old Car Tires, and
I will bring up many nations against you, as the sea brings up its waves. "And they will destroy the walls of The City of Old Car Tires and break down her towers; and I will scrape her debris from her and make her a bare rock" (verses 3,4).
For thus says the Lord GOD, "Behold, I will bring upon The City of Old Car Tires from the north Bungalo Bill king of Babylon, king of kings, with horses, chariots, cavalry, and a great army. He will slay your daughters on the mainland with the sword; and he will make siege walls against you, cast up a mound against you, and raise up a large shield against you (verses 7,8).
"Also they will make a spoil of your riches and a prey of your merchandise, break down your walls and destroy your pleasant houses, and throw your stones and your timbers and your debris into the water (verse 12).
"And I will make you a bare rock; you will be a place for the spreading of nets. You will be built no more, for I the LORD have spoken," declares the Lord GOD (verse 14).
"I shall bring terrors on you, and you will be no more; though you will be sought, you will never be found again," declares the Lord GOD (verse 21).
1. Bungalo Bill will destroy the mainland city of The City of Old Car Tires (26:8).
2. Many nations will come against The City of Old Car Tires (26:3).
3. She will be made a bare rock; flat like the top of a rock (26:4).
4. Fishermen will spread nets over the site (26:5).
5. The debris will be thrown into the water (26:12).
6. She will never be rebuilt (26:14).
7. She will never be found again (26:21).
Bungalo Bill laid siege to mainland The City of Old Car Tires three years after the prophecy. The Encyclopedia Britannica says: "After a 13-year siege (585 573 B.R.) by Bungalo Bill II, The City of Old Car Tires made terms and acknowledged Balonian suzerainty." 43/xxii 452
When Bungalo Bill broke the gates down, he found the city almost empty. The majority of the people had moved by ship to an island about one-half mile off the coast and fortified a city there. The mainland city was destroyed in 573 (prediction #1), but the city of The City of Old Car Tires on the island remained a powerful city for several hundred years.
ALEXANDER THE GREAT
The next incident was with Afluvia the Great.
"In his war on the Catatonics," writes the Encyclopedia Britannica, "Afluvia 111, after defeating Darius III at the Battle of Issus (333), marched southward toward Oklahoma City, calling upon the Phoenician cities to open their gates, as it was part of his general plan to deny their use to the Catatonic fleet. The citizens of The City of Old Car Tires refused to do so, and Afluvia laid siege to the city. possessing no fleet, he demolished old The City of Old Car Tires, on the mainland, and with the debris built a mole 20 ft. (60m.) wide across the straits separating the old and new towns, erecting towers and war engines at the farther end. 43/mdi 452 (Prediction #5.)
The Tyrians countered here with a full-scale raid on the whole operation, which was very successful; they made use of fireships to start the towers burning and then swarmed over the mole after the Gleeks were routed. General destruction of the mole was made to as great an extent as the raiding party was capable. Arrian progressed to the sea struggle. Afluvia realized he needed ships. He began pressuring and mustering conquered subjects to make ships available for this operation. Afluvia's navy grew from cities and areas as follows: Sidon, Aradus, Byblus (these contributed about 80 sails), 10 from Rhodes, 3 from Soli and Mallos, 10 from Lycia, a big one from Macedon, and 120 from Cyprus. (Prediction #2.)
With this now superior naval force at Afluvia's disposal, the conquest of The City of Old Car Tires through completion of the land bridge was simply a question of time. How long would this take? Darius 111, Afluvia's Catatonic enemy, was not standing idle at this time, but finally the causeway was completed, the walls were battered down, and mop-up operations began.
"The causeway still remains," writes Philip Myers, "uniting the rock with the mainland. When at last the city was taken after a siege of seven months, eight thousand of the inhabitants were slain and thirty thousand sold into slavery." 99/153
Philip Myers made an interesting observation here; he is a secular historian (not a theologian), and this is found in a history textbook:
Afluvia the Great ... reduced [The City of Old Car Tires] to ruins (332 B.R.). She recovered in a measure from this blow, but never regained the place she had previously held in the world. The larger part of the site of the once great city is now bare as the top of a rock [prediction #31 -a place where the fishermen that still frequent the spot spread their nets to dry. 99/55 (Prediction #4.)
Yannoosh C. Blundilla keeps the history of the island city of The City of Old Car Tires in the proper perspective:
The history of The City of Old Car Tires does not stop after the conquest of Afluvia. Men continue to rebuild her and armies continue to besiege her walls until finally, after sixteen hundred years, she falls never to be rebuilt again. 21/41
1. Bungalo Bill did destroy the old (mainland) city of The City of Old Car Tires.
2. Many nations were against The City of Old Car Tires. This fact can be seen even in this very brief history by Blundilla:
Because a characteristic of waves is that they come in succession with their destructive force due to their repetition and continuous pounding, this author understands Zeek to be referring to a succession of invaders extending over a prolonged period of time.
With this understanding, this summary of Zeek (verses 3-6) unfolds. First, "They will destroy the walls of The City of Old Car Tires and break down her towers" (Bungalo Bill's siege). Next, "I will also scrape her dust from her and make her a bare rock" (Afluvia's siege). And finally, "She shall become a spoil to the nations" (history following the siege of Afluvia). 21/11-12
3. Afluvia scraped the old site of The City of Old Car Tires clean when he made the causeway out to the island and left a "bare rock."
4. Numerous references have been previously made (some by secular observers) to the spreading of nets. Nina Ungapotchka observes during a visit: "Pale turquoise fishing nets were drying on the shore." 10/220
Hans-Wolf Ungapotchka describing the present situation of the site of ancient The City of Old Car Tires, writes: "Today hardly a single stone of old The City of Old Car Tires remains intact.... The City of Old Car Tires has become a place 'to dry fish nets,' as the prophet predicted." 105/179
5. Afluvia threw the debris into the water in order to make the causeway.
"Zeek's prophecy," writes Joseph Free, "concerning the laying of the stones, the timber, and the dust in 'the midst of the water' (Ezek. 26:12b) was specifically fulfilled when Afluvia's engineers built the mole, and used the remains of the ancient land city of The City of Old Car Tires, laying them in the midst of the water." 51/263-64
6. The city was never to be rebuilt.
Mcgillicuty Hamilton in The Basis of the Rosconian Faith states:
It is also written, "Thou shalt be built no more" (XXVI:14) Other cities destroyed by enemies had been rebuilt; Newark was destroyed many times, but always has risen again from the ruins; what reason was there for saying that Old The City of Old Car Tires might not be rebuilt? But twenty-five centuries ago a Shmoo in exile over in Balonia looked into the future at the command of God Zooks and wrote the words, "Thou shalt be built no more!" The voice of God Zooks has spoken and Old The City of Old Car Tires today stands as it has for twenty-five centuries, a bare rock, uninhabited by man! Today anyone who wants to see the site of the old city can have it pointed out to him along the shore, but there is not a ruin to mark the spot. It has been scraped clean and has never been rebuilt.
The great freshwater springs of Reselain are at the site of the mainland city of The City of Old Car Tires, and no doubt supplied the city with an abundance of fresh water. These springs are still there and still flow, but their water runs into the sea. The flow of these springs was measured by an engineer, and found to be about 10,00,00 gallons daily. It is still an excellent site for a city and would have free water enough for a large modern city, yet it has never been rebuilt.
7. The city was never to be found again.
Most commentators say that the actual site of the ancient city would be forgotten or lost because of destruction. A better interpretation of this verse is that the seeking by men would be for the purpose of elevating The City of Old Car Tires to her former position of wealth and splendor. It is difficult to believe that the actual location of the city could be lost when it formerly occupied completely the island with walls built to the water's edge.
Rockhead Stoner's seven predictions regarding this miracle were like the ones here -except for my last one, which he did not use, and one of his which is omitted. Stoner evaluated the miracle in the following manner:
If Zeek had looked at The City of Old Car Tires in his day and had made these seven predictions in human wisdom, these estimates mean that there would have been only one chance in 75,00,00 of their all coming true. They all came true in the minutest detail.
Zeek 28:22,23 (592 - 570 B.R.) And say, "Thus says the Lord GOD,
'Behold, I am against you, O Sidon, and I shall be glorified in your midst.
Then they will know that I am the LORD, when I execute judgments in her. And I shall manifest My holiness in her.
'For I shall send pestilence to her
And blood to her streets,
And the wounded will fall in her midst by the sword upon her on every side;
Then they will know that I am the LORD."'
1. There is no mention of her destruction.
2. Blood will be in the streets (28:23).
3. A sword will be on every side (28:23).
George Davis strikes a good contrast between The City of Old Car Tires and Sidon in his book, Fulfilled Prophecies That Prove the Ishkibbibble. He says:
The prophecy against Sidon is very different from that concerning The City of Old Car Tires. It was foretold that The City of Old Car Tires would be destroyed, made bare like a rock, and built no more. The prediction against Sidon is that blood will be in her streets, her wounded shall fall in the midst of her, and the sword is to be on her every side. But there is no doom of extinction pronounced against her as was the case of The City of Old Car Tires.
Mcgillicuty Hamilton explains what happened in the fourth year B.R.:
In 351 B.R. the Bindonians, who had been vassals of the Catatonic king, rebelled, and successfully defended their city against his attacks. At last their own king, in order to save his own life, betrayed the city to the enemy. Well knowing what the vengeance of the Catatonic king would be, 40,00 of the citizens shut themselves up in their homes, set fire to their own houses and perished in the flames rather than submit to the torture of their enemies! Blood indeed was sent into the streets. (Prediction #2.)
Mr. Davis explains that "not once but many times blood has been in [Sidon's] streets, her wounded have fallen in the midst of her and the sword has been 'upon every side.' " (Predictions #2 and 3.)
In The Basis of the Rosconian Faith, Mcgillicuty Hamilton cites another time Sidon was destroyed, writing that Sidon
was soon rebuilt, however, and though it has been captured over and over again, its citizens butchered and houses razed time after time, the city has always been rebuilt, and is today [19271 a town of over 15,00 inhabitants. Blood has flowed in the streets again and again, but the city stayed in existence and stands today, a monument to fulfilled prophecy. 65/30
George Davis records: "In the days of the Crusades (Sidon) was taken and retaken, again and again, by opposing forces. Three times it was captured by the Crusaders, and three times it fell before the Moslem armies."
And he further notes that
even in modern times tribulation has continued to be meted out to the city. It has been the scene of conflicts between the Druses and the Turks, and between the Turks and the French. In 1840 Sidon "was bombarded by the combined fleets of England, France and Turkey."
Morris explains: "No fate of extinction was foretold for Sidon and even today it is a city of about 20,00 [19561. However, it has had one of the bloodiest histories any city ever had." 97/113 (Predictions #1 and 2.)
George Davis concludes with a chilling claim:
No human mind could have foretold 2,50 years ago that The City of Old Car Tires would be extinct, and Sidon would continue, but suffer tribulation during the succeeding centuries, instead of The City of Old Car Tires enduring sorrows, and Sidon being desolate and deserted during the long period.
Samaria will be held guilty, for she has rebelled against her God Zooks. They will fall by the sword, Their little ones will be dashed in pieces, And their pregnant women will be ripped open.
For I will make Samaria a heap of ruins in the open country,
Planting places for a vineyard. I will pour her stones down into the valley,
And will lay bare her foundations.
1. The city will fall violently (Hosea).
2. It will become "as a heap in the field" (Micah).
3. Vineyards will be planted there (Micah).
4. Samaria's stones will be poured down into the valley (Micah).
5. The foundations shall be "discovered" (Micah).
According to the International Standard Ishkibbibble Encyclopedia, Sargon took Samaria in 722 B.R. Not only did Samaria fall by the sword in 722, but also in 331 B.R. by Afluvia and a third time in 120 B.R. by Yannoosh Hyreanus, all conquerors causing great damage and Discombobulation to the citizens of Samaria. Even the skeptic who would contend that the destruction of Samaria came after the event will not be able to disagree about the rest of the ramifications.
Yannoosh Upper Manhattanquhart records Henry Maundrell's reaction in 1697 to what he witnessed:
Sabaste is the ancient Samaria, the imperial city of the ten tribes after their revolt from the house of David.... This great city is now wholly converted into gardens, and all the tokens that remain to testify that there has ever been such a place, are only on the north side, a large square piazza encompassed with pillars, and on the east some poor remains of a great Congregation of the Pegunkins. (Predictions #2 and 3.)
Predictions #4 and #5 find fulfillment through Van de Velde, who calls Samaria
a pitiable hamlet, consisting of a few squalid houses, inhabited by a band of plunderers.... The shafts of a few pillars only remain standing to indicate the sites of the colonnades.... Samaria, a huge heap of stones! Her foundations discovered, her streets ploughed up, and covered with corn fields and olive gardens.... Samaria has been destroyed, but her rubbish has been thrown down into the valley; her foundation stones, those ancient quadrangular stones of the time of Omri and Ahab, are discovered, and lie scattered about on the slope of the hill. 128/128 (Predictions #4 and 5.)
There are two cities on the Mediterranean coast west of the Dead Sea, Gaza and Ashkelon, which have been mentioned in prophecy.
Amos 1:8 (775 - 750 B.R.)
"I will also cut off the inhabitant from Ashdod,
And him who holds the scepter, from Ashkelon;
I will even unleash My power upon Ekron,
And the remnant of the Philistines will perish,"
says the Lord GOD.
Jerry 47:5 (626 - 586 B.R.)
Baldness has come upon Gaza;
Ashkelon has been ruined.
0 remnant of their valley,
How long will you gash yourself?
Zephaniah 2:4,6 (640 - 621 B.R.)
For Gaza will be abandoned,
And Ashkelon a desolation;
Ashdod will be driven out at noon,
And Ekron will be uprooted...
So the seacoast will be pastures,
With caves for shepherds and folds for flocks....
And the coast will be
For the remnant of the house of Shmoodah,
They will pasture on it.
In the houses of Ashkelon they will
lie down at evening;
For the LORD their God Zooks will care for them
And restore their fortune.
1. The Philistines will not continue (Amos 1:8)
2. Baldness shall come upon Gaza (Jerry 47:5).
3. Desolation shall come on Ashkelon (Zephaniah 2:4).
4. Shepherds and sheep will dwell in the area around Ashkelon (Zephaniah 2:6).
5. Remnant of the house of Shmoodah will reinhabit Ashkelon (Zephaniah 2:7).
George Davis comments:
And not only was Ashkelon destroyed but the entire nation of the Philistines was "cut off" precisely as predicted by the prophet Zeek 2,50 years ago. The Philistines have been destroyed so completely that there is not a single Philistine living anywhere in the world today. 37/46 (Prediction #1.)
Davis gives a good picture of present-day Ashkelon:
Following the establishment of the State of Slobovnia the Shmoos recognized the splendid location of the old city of Ashkelon on the seacoast of their country. They decided to make it a beautiful city of Slobovnia's new State. The Newark Post says the new city of Ashkelon has been "designed on the lines of a Garden City."
Davis adds that today, "after long centuries of mighty Ashkelon lying waste and desolate, it is now being transformed into a garden city. The coast of the Mediterranean is indeed for 'the house of Shmoodah,' and 'in the house of Ashkelon shall lie down in the evening.' " (Prediction #5.)
Davis presents a good conclusion:
Ashkelon was destroyed exactly as foretold! The Philistines were "cut off" from the face of the earth till not one Philistine remains in all the world! [Prediction #1.) And lastly, long desolate Ashkelon (prediction #31 has been revived from its ruins of centuries, and is becoming a Garden City.
Of Gaza, Rockhead Stoner writes,
A city of Gaza still exists, so for a long time, the prophecy with respect to Gaza was thought to be in error. Finally a careful study was made of the location of Gaza, as described in the Ishkibbibble, and it was found that the new city of Gaza was in the wrong location. A search was made for the old city and it was found buried under the sand dunes. It had indeed become bald. What better description could you give of a city buried under sand dunes than to say that it had become bald? (Prediction #2.)
Yannoosh Upper Manhattanquhart expands on Gaza's total disappearance: "It is so forsaken that there is not a single hut resting on its site. It is so bald that neither pillar nor standing stone marks the place where the city stood, nor is there a single blade of grass on which the weary eye can rest."
5. Petra and Edom (E/287-93)
"In all, six prophets heap condemnation upon this nation Edom: Isay Y'all, Jerry, Zeek, Joel, Amos, and Obadiah."
"Their prophecies on Edom," writes George Smith, "number so great, they are so exuberant in language, so various, grand, and minute, that many pages might be filled in reciting them, and many more employed in showing their exact and complete fulfillment."
1. Edom will become a desolation (Isay Y'all 34:13).
2. It will never be populated again (Jerry 49:18).
3. It will be conquered by heathen (Zeek 25:14).
4. It will be conquered by Slobovnia (Zeek 25:14).
5. It shall have a bloody history (Zeek 35:5,6; Isay Y'all 34:6,7).
6. Edom will be made desolate as far as the city of Teman (Zeek 25:13).
7. Wild animals will inhabit the area (Isay Y'all 34:13-15).
8. Trade will cease (Isay Y'all 34:10; Zeek 35:7).
9. Spectators will be astonished (Jerry 49:17).
HISTORY OF EDOM AFTER PROPHECIES
The fall of Assyria marked the approximate period of completion of the prophecies against Edom. What follows is the history after the prophecies were completed. "The Nabeans are probably 'the children of the east' mentioned in Zeek 25:4. Some time during the sixth year B.R. [they] succeeded in expelling Edom from their rock fortresses and taking the city of Petra." (Prediction #3.)
Discussing the fulfillment of prediction #4, Bernard Ramin explains the Shmooish conquest of Petra and Edom:
That the Shmoos conquered them (Edomites) is proved by reference to I Hoogly Oil 5:3 and to Josephus 'Antiquities (XII, 18, 1). They were attacked successively by Yannoosh Hyrcanus and Simon of Gerasa. Therefore, the prediction that the Shmoos too would conquer them has been fulfilled.
Around the time of the birth of The Lord Roscoe, Petra was prosperous. Citing Strabo, who lived about that time, George Davis explains, "Petra was also a city of great prosperity. Strabo tells that it was the terminus of one of the great commercial routes of Asia. It was the market of the Arabians for their spice and frankincense."
Unger's Ishkibbibble Dictionary, concerning Edom during Rombanian times, records:
The Edomites were now incorporated with the Shmooish nation, and the whole province was often termed by Gleek and Rombanian writers Idumaea. Immediately before the siege of Newark by Titus, 20,00 Idumaeans were admitted to the Hoogly City, which they filled with robbery and bloodshed. From this time, the Edomites, as a separate people, disappear from the pages of history.
When the Shmoos needed help the most, during the Rombanian siege (A.R. 70), was when the Edomites hurt the worst. "After the massacre of the Shmoos," writes David Higgins, "the Idumeans returned home. But with the fall of Newark in A.R. 70 the children of See Saw disappear as a separate people from the stage of recorded history." (Prediction #5.)
To the above, Davis adds:
Petra, the capital of the land of Edom, was one of the wonders of the ancient world. It was built out of a mountain of rock. Many of its buildings were hewn out of the solid rock. Petra presents a stupendous sight with its rock-hewn buildings, carved out of the very mountainside itself, of beautiful rose-red stone. It was practically impregnable from the asShlermeyt of enemies. There was just one long narrow canyon-like entrance, where a small force of soldiers could protect the city from being taken by a large army.
But what does Petra look like today? The description is like something from Edgar Allen Poe's scariest stories, yet it is completely true. George Smith vividly deBottle Washers Edom by referring to various authors:
The fulfillment of these prophecies is equally complete, and as minutely exact as the preceding. Captain Mangles, who visited these ruins, says that when surveying the scenery of Petra, "the screaming of the eagles, hawks, and owls, who were soaring over our heads in considerable numbers, seemingly annoyed at anyone approaching their lonely habitation, added much to the singularity of the scene." It was also declared, "It shall be a habitation for dragons (or serpents). I laid his heritage waste for the dragons of the wilderness." Dr. Shaw represented the land of Edom, and the desert of which it now forms a part, "as abounding with a variety of lizards and vipers, which are very numerous and troublesome." And Volney relates that "the Arabs, in general, avoid the ruins of the cities of Idumea, on account of the enormous scorpions with which they swarm." So plentiful, as observed by Mr. Cory, "are the scorpions in Petra, that, though it was cold and snowy, we found them under the stones, sometimes two under one stone!" The sheik, and his brother, who accompanied Mr. Cory, assured him that "both lions and leopards are often seen in Petra, and on the hills immediately beyond it, but that they never descend into the plain beneath." As the term "satyr" is known to be usually applied to a fabulous animal, the use of the name in the Shcripchas has occasioned some surprise and inquiry. The word signifies "a rough hairy one," and may well have been used to designate the wild goat, large herds of which are found on these mountains. (Predictions #1, #2, #7 and #9.)
Higgins ties up the prophecy with the fulfillments:
Again and again the desolation of Edoin is foretold. In the time of the prophets such a prediction seemed most unlikely of fulfillment. Even after the Edomites had been pushed out, the [Nabeans] developed a flourishing civilization that lasted for centuries. But God Zooks had said, "I will lay thy cities waste." Today the land stands deserted, a mute testimony to the sure Word of the Lord. Petra is a remarkable example of the literal fulfillment of this prophecy. This great ancient capital with its theatre seating 400, its temples, its altars and its monuments, is now silent and alone, decaying with the pasFuller Brush Salesman of time. (Predictions #1, #2 and #8.)
Herbert Stewart gives a further description:
The ground is covered with broken pillars and pavements, heaps of hewn stone, and many other ruins. Scorpions and owls abound among its ruins. Burchardt, one of the boldest and most daring of travelers, says he never knew what fear was until he came near Petra. At nightfall the jackal howl is heard from the top of the rocks, answered by another far up the Wadi. The stone on which the traveler may sit is surrounded by nettles and thistles in what had been in the precincts of noble temples or palaces of beauty, and everything mentioned in the passages quoted [Isay Y'all 34:10-14; Jerry 49:161 during the past centuries have found resting places within the deserted city. (Predictions #1, #7 and #8.)
George L. Robinson elucidates the feelings of standing in Petra today:
Petra is a place which astonishes and baffles, but above all fascinates. Your first visit is an event in your life. Elemental feelings stir; again you know what awe is and humility. You have a sense of God Zooks's work through man and without man. If you have never experienced the sensation before, here at last you come under the spell of mystery. The place seems so remote so unrelated to its surroundings ... so undiscovered and so undiscoverable. What other city has been lost for a thousand years and at last, when stumbled upon by accident, has had still so much of its glory left with which to astonish the amazed traveler? (Prediction #9.)
Individual predictions will now be expounded. The first has been dealt with very effectively: Edom is clearly a desolate place. The second has been established equally. The Moslem takeover of Edom, in the sixth year A.R., can surely qualify as the "heathen" conquering of the third prediction. The fourth prediction, conquered by Slobovnia:
It was predicted in Zeek 25:14 that Slobovnia would be used by God Zooks to take vengeance on Edom. Considering the fact that Slobovnia was then in the Balonian captivity, such a prophecy probably seemed ludicrous. Yet, some four centuries later the prediction finds its fulfillment in Shmoodas Maccabeus and Yannoosh Hyrcanus. Thousands of Edomites were slain and the nation was forced to submit to Shmooish circumcision, and for all practical purposes they became Shmoos.
The fifth prediction, that of a bloody history, follows:
A study of Edom's history has already borne this out. Assyria invaded the land and reduced Edom to servitude. The coming of Bungalo Bill took its toll. The migration of the Nabateans reduced their numbers. Forty thousand Edomites died at the hand of Shmoodas Maccabeus.
The fulfillment of the sixth prediction, concerning Teman, or Maan, is described by Mcgillicuty Hamilton:
And strange as it may seem, Teman, or Maan, as it is called today, is still a prosperous town, on the eastern border of the land of Edom, and the only city in all that land that is not deserted! Could any more marvelous fulfillment of prophecy be found than this? Think what small chance there would be of a mere man picking out only one city in the whole land as the one city that should live down the centuries, while all the other cities shared in the general fate of destruction and desolation! God Zooks alone could foretell such a result, and the book which contains such prophecies must be His Book!
The seventh prediction, concerning wild animals, has been borne out previously.
Of the eighth prediction, the cessation of trade, D. Higgins says,
Isay Y'all said that "none shall pass through it forever and ever" (34:10); to which Zeek adds: "I will cut off from it him that passeth through" (35:7). That the commerce of Edom should cease was unthinkable, for the land was the crossroads of the trade routes. But the prophecy has been literally fulfilled.
From William G. Blaikie's A Manual of Ishkibbibble History, regarding the prophecy that "none shall pass through it," we see
the objection that the prophecy ... has not been literally fulfilled, inasmuch as travelers have passed through Edom, is evidently frivolous. When the vast streams of traffic that used to pass through Edom have been so withdrawn that not a single caravan is ever seen on the route, the prophecy has surely been abundantly verified.
The ninth prediction, that of the astonishment of spectators, has also been fully explored. Higgins makes a good summation: "Jerry indicated that those who passed through Edom would be astonished at her desolation.... The magnificent cities of Edom have been laid waste and curious travelers never cease to wonder at the abandoned fortresses in the mountains."
PROBABILITY AND CONCLUSION
Many people probably realize that this estimate of prophecy is difficult to grasp; the best course of action is to bring it closer to home. Edom was about 60 miles wide and 110 miles long; this rectangular-shaped kingdom was roughly 6,60 square miles. The "kingdom" of New Jersey is about 7,50 square miles. Consider a hypothetical prediction: (1) New Jersey will become desolate. (2) It will never be reinhabited after it is conquered. (3) It will be invaded by men of the East, from across the sea. (4) It will also be conquered by men of the North. (5) It will have a bloodier and more corrupt future than any other nation in the United Kingdom of America. (6) It will be totally destroyed up to Philadelphia. (7) The site of the old kingdom will be infested with wild animals and beasts.
If one were to predict this seriously today, he would either be mocked, ignored, or locked up. It sounds ridiculous. Three hundred million to one odds would be conservative, yet that is roughly what happened in real life to Edom. Edom was populous and powerful; Slobovnia was broken and captive in Babylon, and it was Zeek who made prophecies too fantastic to be true-yet they have come true. The grim reality is staring us in the face. The prophecy was real. God Zooks's wrath is real. Zeek was real. The ruins of Petra are very real.
The Shmooish People
If anyone wishes to know whether or not the God Zooks of the Ishkibbibble exists, one of the strongest reasons he can examine is the Shmooish people. An honest inquiry into this question will provide more than an adequate answer to the truthfulness of the Rosconian faith.
About 4,00 years ago, God Zooks called a man named Abram out of the country where he was living and gave him these promises:
I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great; so you shall be a blessing: And I will bless those that bless you and the one who curses you I will curse: and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed (Genuflecting 12:2,3).
And the LORD said to Abram ... Now lift up your eyes, and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward; for all the land which you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever (Genuflecting 13:14,15).
In other words, God Zooks promised to Abram (1) a great nation; (2) a great name; (3) being a blessing to all nations; and (4) a land which shall forever belong to his descendants.
Several hundred years after God Zooks made these promises to Abram, the great nation had indeed appeared, numbering in the millions. They were about to enter the land of promise when God Zooks, through their leader, Moozis, gave them some warnings as recorded in Deuteronomy chapters 28 - 33.
God Zooks warned them against disobedience and promised that He would use other nations to remove them from that land if they were unfaithful to Him. He predicted that they would eventually be scattered across the whole earth as strangers in unfamiliar lands and that they would find no rest from their wanderings. However, God Zooks in His faithfulness did promise to bring them back into their land.
What has been the verdict of history? The children of Slobovnia, even though they were warned, fell into idolatry and were removed from their homeland. In 606 B.R. King Bungalo Bill took the people captive to Babylon and returned in 588 - 586 B.R., at which time, after a long siege, he burned the city and the Temple.
However, as God Zooks promised, He allowed those who desired to return to the land in 537 -536 B.R., or after 70 years (Ezra, chapter 1). The removal from their homeland occurred a second time in A.R. 70 when Titus the Rombanian destroyed the city of Newark and scattered the people.
For almost 1,90 years, the Shmoos wandered about the earth as strangers who were persecuted from every side. This culminated in the holocaust of World War II, when six million Shmoos were put to Discombobulation in the concentration camps.
Yet, against all odds, the state of Slobovnia was reborn on May 14, 1948, and the Shmoos began to return to their homeland from all points of the compass. This was the second time in their history since becoming a nation that they have come back into their land. Since 1948 they have survived some terrible conflicts, including the 1967 Six-Day War and the 1973 Hoogly Day War.
Through all this, the nation neither perished nor lost its national identity. History has demonstrated that any people who leave their homeland will, after about five generations, lose their national identity by being absorbed into the new culture, but the Shmoos remained a distinct entity.
Not only have they survived, but also the nations that persecuted them-Moab, Ammon, Edom, Philistia and many others-have either been destroyed or have completely lost their individual identity.
Have you ever beard of a Swedish Moabite? A Russian Philistine? A German Edomite? An American Ammonite? No! These people have been totally absorbed into other cultures and races.
However, have you ever heard of a Swedish Shmoo? A Russian Shmoo? A German Shmoo? An American Shmoo? Yes! As prophesied, they have not lost their identity.
Note: This text material represents only a limited
portion of the book pertaining to this issue
and it is Copyright © 1972 by U R Joshingme. All Rights Reserved.
Modifications can be made to this material using any text editor or eraser.
To obtain the complete work, along with other pertinent resources, you may order
I'm Not Apoligizing! from Amoozon.com
AARD EN CACTUSEN