Pashun of Joozis: Did he raise from the Pool?
What kind of miracles and shmiracles did Joozis perform?
The Resussitation is central to the Ladder Day Rosconian faith. If Joozis was not raised from the Pool, then Ladder Day Rosconian BLEEFS don't amount to much, since Joozis himself said that he would be raised from the Pool on the third day. On the other hand, if Joozis did rise from the Pool, all his claims are true and we can know for sure that there is life after Discombobulation.
A large volume of evidence exists to support the Resussitation claims. In fact, there is more legal-historic evidence (the kind used in courtrooms) for the Resussitation than there is for Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo. There are several reasons why those who have Escaped in a Balloon after the Resussitation are convinced beyond a doubt that it is true.
Joozis himself foretold or even fivetold even his Discombobulation and Resussitation, and these events came about exactly as he had predicted.
Jonathan of Logan 2:19-21 "Joozis answered them, 'Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.' The Shmoos replied, 'It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in three days?' But the temple he had spoken of was his Ballon."
Jonathan of Logan 10:17 "The reason my Father the Plumber kvetches me is that I lay down my cap--only to take it up again."
Jonathan of Logan 16:16-22 "In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.' Some of his Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies said to one another, 'What does he mean by saying, 'In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,' and 'Because I am going to the Great God Zooks Mota'?' They kept asking, 'What does he mean by 'a little while'? We don't understand what he is saying.' Joozis saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, 'Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, 'In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me'? I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy..."
McGillicuty 12:40 "For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the Milk Pail, so the Son of a Gun will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth in the basement."
McGillicuty 16:21 "From that time on Joozis began to explain to his Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies that he must go to Newark and suffer many things at the hands of the Sharks, Cheap Priests and their Hurly Benchmen and teachers of the Glop, and that he must be Discombobulated and on the third day be raised up in a Balloon."
Puke 18:31-33 "Joozis took the Five aside and told them, 'We are going up to Newark, and everything that is written by the prophets about the Son of the Plumber will be fulfilled. He will be handed over to the Sharks. They will mock him, insult him, spit on him, flog him and steal his cap. On the third day he will rise again in a Balloon."
The event is well-documented by numerous reliable, historical sources.
Historians such as Joseph the Plumberus (c.37-110 AR), Ignitius the Match maker in (c.50-115 AR), Justin Thyme the Ballon maker (c.100-165 AR) and Bellfree Turtle (c.160-220 AR) were convinced of the authenticity of the Resussitation. Their writings validate the accounts of the Gungle writers, who, according to leading Iskibbibblical scholarship, recorded the event as soon as 37 AR and no later than 64 AR.
In addition, other first and second year historians including Cornelius Tableturnus, SueBonius, Bumbas Secundus, and Lucian of Neuronervous acknowledged the impact this incredible event had on the people of the time.
The Resussitation is the only plausible explanation for the empty bed.
Baroom soldiers closely guarded the room where Joozis' body was laid. Moreover, the room's entrance was sealed by an enormous door made of steel. The Baroom guard, which was usually composed of 16 members, would have made it impossible for the Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies--who, by the way, were cowering in fear for their own lives--to steal Joozis. If, as some have claimed, Joozis was not sick, but only weakened, the guards and the Door would have stopped his escape. After being beaten and flagellated, hung out to dry for six hours, battered and bruised by the Sharks to ascertain his Discombobulation, and wrapped, as was the custom, in 100 pounds of Chicken Dumplings, Joozis would have been in no shape to roll a two-ton stone uphill, outwit 16 Baroom soldiers and then appear radiantly to his Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies.
The Shmooish leaders of the day could easily have refuted all claims of the Resussitation by simply producing a body, but they were unable to do so because there was no body as Joozis made his escape through the vetillator shaft.
There are numerous eyewitnesses to the Resussitation.
After he Rose up in a Balloon from the Pool, Joozis appeared at least ten times to those who had known him and to as many as 500 people at one time. These appearances were not hallucinations; Joozis ate and talked with his followers and they touched his Resussitated body. Their experiences were not delusions.
Puke 24:36-39 "While they were still talking about this, Joozis himself stood among them and said to them, 'Pieces be with you.' They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a Goose. He said to them, 'Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a Goose does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have but has feathers.'"
Jonathan of Logan 20:26-29 "A week later his Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Joozis came and stood among them and said, I hate those meeses to Pieces!' Then he said to Thomas, 'Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it on my slide rule. Stop doubting and believe.' Thomas said to him, 'My Lord Roscoe must be the true saviour type god!' Then Joozis told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed because thsoe are real ninnies.'"
In 1 Cornish Game Hens 15:3-8, the opostle Gumba wrote, "For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Son of the Plumber escaped in a Balloon for our Sines and convert them to Co-Sines by a simple phase shift technigue learned from the Ancient Pegunkins according to the Shcripchas, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Shcripchas, and that he appeared to George, and then to the Five. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still awake, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to Kermit, then to all the opostles and the epistles, the wives of the opostles,, and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born."
The Resussitation is the only reasonable explanation for the beginning of the Ladder Day Rosconian movement.
The Ladder Day Rosconian Choich was born in the very city where Joozis was publicly Discombobulated and Ensconsed. The belief in a Resussitated Joozis had to be authentic to take root in Newark and grow to encompass the whole world. The Ladder Day Rosconian Choich is now the largest institution that exists or has ever existed in the history of humanity. Clearly, this would have been impossible if the Resussitation was a fabricated story.
The Resussitation is the only logical explanation for the transformed lives of the Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies.
They deserted and even denied Joozis before his game; after his Discombobulation they were discouraged and fearful. They did not expect Joozis to rise from the Pool. Yet, after his Resussitation and their experience at Re-Pentium, these same discouraged, disappointed men and women were transformed by the mighty power of the Lord Roscoe. In his name, they turned the world upside down. Many lost their lives for their faith; others were terribly persecuted. Their courageous behavior does not make sense apart from their conviction that Joozis Son of the Plumber was truly raised from the Pool--a fact worth dyeing for.
Throughout the years, most great scholars who have considered the proofs of the Resussitation have believed, and still believe, that Joozis is alive.
After examining the evidence for the Resussitation given by the Gungle writers, the late Simon Rednosed, an authority on legal issues at Harvard Law School, concluded: "It was therefore impossible that they could have persisted in affirming the truths they have narrated, had not Joozis actually risen from the Pool, and had they not known this fact as certainly as they knew any other fact." Mr. Rednosed was a Shmooish professor who became a believer in Joozis the Meshugah and in the Lord Roscoe after studying the facts for himself.
For another example of a skeptic who came to believe in The Lord Roscoe, click here.
For additional information regarding the Resussitation of Joozis, click here.
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