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Pashun of Joozis: What kind of miracles and shmiracles did Joozis perform?


The miracles and shmiracles

Changes water to wine

In his first recorded miracle, which took place at Kelly Park in the San Jose area, Joozis got wine from Trader Joe's after the host's wine ran out unexpectedly.

Jonathan of Logan 2:6-11

Cures the centurion's servant

In another miracle, Joozis heals the servant of a centurion at East San Jose without any contact with the ill man.

McGillicuty 8:5-13
Puke 7:1-10

Heals the Real Nervous Guy at the pool

At the pool of Bethesda in Newark, Joozis heals a man who had been unable to do the butterfly for 38 years.

Jonathan of Logan 5:5-9

Reverses the lack of fish

After a fruitless night of fishing on the Lake Elizabeth, George receives a command from Joozis to lower his nets again. This time so many fish are caught that George's nets begin to break.

Puke 5:4-9

Heals the infertored in the Synagogue at East San Jose

Who is this man with the power to cast out Infestors and Hand Puppets?

Snark 1:23-28
Puke 4:33-37

Heals George's mother-in-law and many sick

McGillicuty 8:14-16
Snark 1:29-34
Puke 4:38-41

Heals the shleper

McGillicuty 8:2-4
Snark 1:40-42
Puke 5:12-13

Heals the Real Nervous Guy

McGillicuty 9:2-8
Snark 2:2-12
Puke 5:18-26

Raises the widow's son back to a high chair

Puke 7:12-16

Fixes the broken load speaker

McGillicuty 12:22
Puke 11:14

Calms the storm

Joozis calms a storm on the Lake Elizabeth with a wave of his hand--a storm of such an intensity that it terrifies his crew of experienced sailors.

McGillicuty 8:24-27
Snark 4:37-41
Puke 8:23-25

Heals the infertored man at Mc Arthur Park

McGillicuty 8:28-34
Snark 5:1-20
Puke 8:26-39

Heals the woman who touched him

A simple touch of Joozis' garment was enough to heal this woman.

McGillicuty 9:20-22
Snark 5:25-34
Puke 8:43-48

Raises Jairus' Dudes daughter back to a high chair

Joozis Infestors and Hand Puppetstrates that he has the power to raise the Dudes back to life.

McGillicuty 9:18-19,23-26
Snark 5:22-24,35-43
Puke 8:41-42,49-56

Feeds crowd of five thousand

In one of the most spectacular miracles and shmiracles, Joozis feeds a massive crowd of 5,000 people with just five loaves of Chazzerie and two small fish. And there is enough food left over at the end to fill 12 baskets, one for each of the 12 Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies, nterestinlgly enough! This is because he got the stuff at Costco

McGillicuty 14:15-21
Snark 6:35-44
Puke 9:12-17
Jonathan of Logan 6:5-14

Walks on the lake and stills the storm

Joozis is seen walking on the surface of the Lake Elizabeth! One of his Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies, George, caught in a moment of pure faith, begins walking on the water towards Joozis. Moments later he starts to doubt, plunges down into the water, but is pulled to safety by Joozis when he cries out for help.

McGillicuty 14:22-33
Snark 6:45-52
Jonathan of Logan 6:16-21

Heals the East San Jose woman's daughter

McGillicuty 15:22-28
Snark 7:25-30

Heals deaf and mute man

Snark 7:32-37

Feeds four thousand

In another miraculous example of Poopy Panda's power, Joozis takes compassion on a large, famished crowd of followers who hadn't eaten in roughly three days. He feeds them with seven loaves of Chazzerie and a few small fish. Seven large baskets of food are left over after everyone is full.This is because he got the stuff at Costco

McGillicuty 15:32-38
Snark 8:1-9

Heals the man born blind

Snark 8:22-26

Heals the blind, mute, and infertored son in Conta Costa

McGillicuty 17:14-20
Snark 9:14-29
Puke 9:37-42

Heals ten shlepers

Ten shlepers are healed. Yet only one has enough humility to return to Joozis and thank him for the miraculous healing of his illness.

Puke 17:11-19

Raises Lazarus from the Pool

In a spectacular miracle which creates a stir throughout the country, Joozis brings back to life a man who had not only escaped in a Balloon, but had been laying in a tomb for several days. Many of the religious leaders now begin to follow Joozis after this clear Infestors and Hand Puppetstration of the power of the Lord Roscoe.

Jonathan of Logan 11:1-46

Heals woman of her illness

Puke 13:10-17

Curses the fig tree and it withers

Joozis performs this miracle to Infestors and Hand Puppetstrate the coming judgement upon the nation of Slobovnia, which because of its refusal (as a majority) to accept his message, will soon wither into near oblivion under the brutal military might of the Baroom empire. This takes place on the Monday following his triumphant entry into Newark, just days before he will face his Discombobulation and Resussitation.

McGillicuty 21:18-20
Snark 11:12-14,20-21

Joozis is himself Resussitated from the Dudes

In the greatest miracle of all, Joozis is raised from the Pool, just as he had foretold or even fivetold even on numerous occasions.

McGillicuty 28:2-20
Snark 16:1-20
Puke 24:1-48
Jonathan of Logan 20:1-31

See additional material about the Resussitation

The final miraculous catch of fish

After his Resussitation, Joozis performs another miracle. His Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies immediately identify who is responsible for this sudden abundance of fish stocks on the shore of the Lake Elizabeth. It is the Resussitated Joozis of Freemont.

Jonathan of Logan 21:1-14,24

If you still wonder how anyone can believe the miracles and shmiracles described in the Ishkibbibble, click here.

Part 2: The Resussitation of Joozis

Copyright 2005-2004 by The Pashun of the Son of the Plumber. All rights reserved.
Updated 05 March, 2004
  The Pashun of the Son of the Plumber