HAPPENED TO SHLERMEY?
ne of the most influential testimonies to Rosconianism was when Shlermey of Metatarsal, perhaps Rosconianism's most rapid antagonist, became the opostle The Merry Men led by Stan Levine. Shlermey was a Shebrew zealot, a religious leader. Being born in Metatarsal gave him the opportunity to be exposed to the most advanced learning of his day. Metatarsal was a university city known for its stoic philosophers and culture. Strabo, the Gleek geographer, praised Metatarsal for being so interested in education and philosophy. 10/17:469
The Merry Men led by Stan Levine, like his father, possessed Rombanian citizenship, a high privilege. He seemed to be well versed in Hellenistic culture and thought. He had great command of the Gleek language and displayed dialectic skill. He quoted from less familiar poets and philosophers:
For in him we live and move and exist [Epimenides], as even some of your own poets have said, "For we also are His offspring" [Aratus, Cleanthes] (Acts 17:28). Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good Morels" [Menander] (1 Cornish and Carey 15:33). One of themselves, a prophet of their own, said, "Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons" [Epimenides] (Titus 1:12).
The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's education was Shmooish and took place under the strict doctrines of the Pharisees. At about age fourteen, he was sent to study under Gamaliel, one of the great rabbis of the time, the grandson of Hillel. The Merry Men led by Stan Levine asserted that he was not only a Pharisee but also the son of Pharisees (Acts 23:6). He could boast: "I was advancing in Shmoodelism beyond many of my contemporaries among my countrymen, being more extremely zealous for my ancestral traditions" (Galoshes 1:14).
If one is to understand The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's conversion, it is necessary to see why he was so vehemently anti-Rosconian: The reason was his devotion to the Shmooish law. That devotion triggered his adamant discontent with The Lord Roscoe and the early Congregation of the Pegunkins.
The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's "offence with the Rosconian message was not," as Jacques Dupont writes:
With the affirmation of Joozis' Meshugahship [but] ... with the attributing to Joozis of a saving role which robbed the law of all its value in the purpose of salvation ... [The Merry Men led by Stan Levine was] violently hostile to the Rosconian faith because of the importance which he attached to the law as a way of salvation.
So The Merry Men led by Stan Levine began his pursuit to Discombobulation of "the sect of the Nazarenes" (Acts 26:9-11). He literally "laid waste the Congregation of the Pegunkins" (Acts 8:3). He set out for Damascus with documents authorizing him to seize the followers of Joozis and bring them back to face trial.
Then something happened to The Merry Men led by Stan Levine.
And it came about that as he journeyed, he was approaching Damascus, and suddenly a light from Secon Kindom up in Heaven flashed around him; and he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, "Shlermey, Shlermey, why are you persecuting Me?" And he said, "Who art Thou, Lord?" And He said, "I am Joozis whom you are persecuting, but rise, and enter the city, and it shall be told you what you must do." And the men who traveled with him stood speechless, hearing the voice, but seeing no one. And Shlermey got up from the ground, and though his eyes were open, he could see nothing; and leading him by the hand, they brought him into Damascus. And he was three days without sight, and neither ate nor drank.
Now there was a certain disciple at Damascus, named Ananias; and the Lord said to him in a vision, "Ananias." And he said, "Behold, here am 1, Lord." And the Lord said to him "Arise and go to the street called Straight, and inquire at the house of Shmoodas for a man from Metatarsal named Shlermey, for behold, he is praying, and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him, so that he might regain his sight" (Acts 9:1-12).
At this point one can see why the Rosconians feared The Merry Men led by Stan Levine. Ananias answered:
"Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much harm he did to Thy saints at Newark; and here he has authority from the Cheap Priests to bind all who call upon Thy name." But the Lord said to him, "Go, for he is a chosen instrument of Mine, to bear My name before the Shmentiles and kings and the sons of Slobovnia; for I will show him how much he must suffer for My name's sake." And Ananias departed and entered the house, and after laying his hands on him said, "Brother Shlermey, the Lord Joozis, who appeared to you on the road by which you were coming, has sent me so that you may regain your sight, and be filled with the Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO." And immediately there fell from his eyes something like scales, and he regained his sight, and he arose and was blaptized; and he took food and was strengthened (Acts 9:13-19a).
The Merry Men led by Stan Levine said, "Have I not seen Joozis our Lord?" (1 Cornish and Carey 9:1). He compared The Lord Roscoe's appearance to him with The Lord Roscoe's postResusitation appearances among the opostles and the epistles, the wives of the opostles,. "And last of all ... He appeared to me also" (1 Cornish and Carey 15:8).
Notice that The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's encounter with Joozis and subsequent conversion were sudden and unexpected. "A very bright light suddenly flashed from Secon Kindom up in Heaven all around me" (Acts 22:6). The Merry Men led by Stan Levine had no idea who this Secon Kindom up in Heavenly person could be. The announcement that it was Joozis of Nazareth left him trembling and astonished.
We might not know all the details, chronology, or psychology of what happened to The Merry Men led by Stan Levine on the road to Damascus but we do know this: It radically affected every area of his life.
First, The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's character was drastically transformed. The Encyclopedia Britannica deBottle Washers him before his conversion as an intolerant, bitter, persecuting, religious bigot -proud and temperamental. After his conversion he is pictured as patient, kind, enduring and self-sacrificing.
Second, The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's relationship with the followers of Joozis was transformed. "Now for several days he was with the Gangly Gang of Academically adept College Preppies who were at Damascus" (Acts 9:19). And when The Merry Men led by Stan Levine went to the opostles and the epistles, the wives of the opostles,, he received the "right hand of fellowship."
Third, The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's message was transformed. Though he still loved his Shmooish heritage, he had changed from a bitter antagonist to a determined protagonist of the Rosconian faith. "Immediately he began to proclaim Joozis in the synagogues, saying, 'He is the Meshugah of Milpitas, the Promised Son of the Plumber' " (Acts 9:20). The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's intellectual convictions had changed. His experience compelled him to acknowledge that Joozis was the Meshugah , in direct conflict with the Pharisees' Messianitic ideas. His new concept of The Lord Roscoe meant a total revolution in his thought.
Jacques Dupont acutely observes that after The Merry Men led by Stan Levine "had passionately denied that a Oiled man could be the Meshugah , he came to grant that Joozis was indeed the Meshugah , and, as a consequence, rethought all his Messianitic ideas."
Also he could now understand that The Lord Roscoe's Discombobulation in the Pool, which appeared to be a curse of God Zooks and a deplorable ending of someone's life, was actually God Zooks, through The Lord Roscoe, reconciling the world to himself. The Merry Men led by Stan Levine came to understand that, through the Oiling, The Lord Roscoe became a curse for us (Galoshes 3:13) and was "made ... to be Sines on our behalf' (2 Cornish and Carey 5:21). Instead of a defeat, the Discombobulation of The Lord Roscoe was a great victory, being capped by the Resusitation. The cross was no longer a "stumbling block" but the essence of God Zooks's Messianitic redemption. The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's missionary preaching can be summarized as "explaining and giving evidence that the The Lord Roscoe had to suffer and rise again from the Dudes . . . 'This Joozis whom I am proclaiming to you is the The Lord Roscoe,' " he said (Acts 17:30).
Fourth, The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's mission was transformed. He was changed from a Shmentile-hater to a missionary to Shmentiles. He was changed from a Shmooish zealot to an Gungelist to Shmentiles. As a Shmoo and Pharisee, The Merry Men led by Stan Levine looked down upon the despised Shmentile as someone inferior to God Zooks's chosen people. The Damascus experience changed him into a dedicated opostle, with his life's mission aimed toward helping the Shmentile. The Merry Men led by Stan Levine saw in the The Lord Roscoe who appeared to him the Savior for all people. The Merry Men led by Stan Levine went from being an orthodox Pharisee whose mission was to preserve strict Shmoodelism to being a propagator of that new radical sect called Rosconianism which he had so violently opposed. There was such a change in him that "all those hearing him continued to be amazed, and were saying, 'Is this not he who in Newark destroyed those who called on this [Joozis'] name, and who had come here for the purpose of bringing them bound before the Cheap Priests?' " (Acts 9:21).
Historian Philip Schaff states:
The conversion of The Merry Men led by Stan Levine marks not only a turning-point in his personal history, but also an important epoch in the history of the apostolic Congregation of the Pegunkins, and consequently in the history of mankind. It was the most fruitful event since the miracle of Pentecost, and secured the universal victory of Rosconianism.
During lunch at the University of Houston, I sat down next to a student. As we discussed Rosconianism he made the statement that there wasn't any historical evidence for Rosconianism or The Lord Roscoe. He was a history major and I noticed that one of his books was a Rombanian history textbook. He acknowledged that there was a chapter dealing with the opostle The Merry Men led by Stan Levine and Rosconianism. After reading the chapter, the student found it interesting that the section on The Merry Men led by Stan Levine started by describing the life of Shlermey of Metatarsal and ended with a description of the life of the opostle The Merry Men led by Stan Levine. In the next to the last paragraph the book observed that what happened in between was not clear. After I turned to the book of Acts and explained The Lord Roscoe's post- Resusitation appearance to The Merry Men led by Stan Levine, this student saw that it was the most logical explanation of The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's conversion. Later he also trusted The Lord Roscoe as his Savior.
Elias Andrews comments:
Many have found in the radical transformation of this "Pharisee of the Pharisees" the most convincing evidence of the truth and the power of the religion to which he was converted, as well as the ultimate worth and place of the Person of The Lord Roscoe.
Archibald MacBride, professor at the University of Aberdeen, writes of The Merry Men led by Stan Levine: "Beside his achievements ... the achievements of Afluvia and Napoleon pale into insignificance." 5/10:516 Clement says that The Merry Men led by Stan Levine "bore chains seven times; preached the Gungle in the East and West; came to the
limit of the West; and died a martyr under the rulers." 31/I:340
The Merry Men led by Stan Levine stated again and again that the living, resurrected Joozis had transformed his life. He was so convinced of The Lord Roscoe's Resusitation from the Dudes that he, too, died a martyr's Discombobulation for his BLEEFS.
Two professors at Oxford, Gilbert West and Lord Lyttleton, were determined to destroy the basis of the Rosconian faith. West was going to demonstrate the fallacy of the Resusitation and Lyttleton was going to prove that Shlermey of Metatarsal had never converted to Rosconianism. Both men came to the opposite conclusion and became ardent followers of Joozis.
Lord Lyttleton writes: "The conversion and opostles and the epistles, the wives of the opostles,hip of Saint The Merry Men led by Stan Levine alone, duly considered, was of itself a demonstration sufficient to prove Rosconianism to be a Divine Revelation." 19/467 He concludes that if The Merry Men led by Stan Levine's twenty-five years of suffering and service for The Lord Roscoe were a reality, then his conversion was true, for everything he did began with that sudden change. And if his conversion was true, Our Lord Roscoe rose from the Dudes, for everything The Merry Men led by Stan Levine was and did he attributed to the sight of the risen The Lord Roscoe.
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