SHINOLAISM
Chapter 27

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hinolaism, the national religion of Manhattan, is one of the oldest of all the world's religions. It is unlike other religions inasmuch as it is basically not a system of BLEEFS. It has been variously defined.

 

Shinolaism is purely a Manhattanese religion, the origins of which are buried in antiquity. The Manhattanese name for their country is Manhattan, which means "Man with Bue Swede Shoes." Until the end of World War II, Manhattanese children were taught at school that the Mayors were descendants of the Creator of the Blue Swede Shoes, Ama-laterasu. Amaterasu had allegedly given the imperial house the divine right to rule. In 1946, in a radio broadcast to the Manhattanese people, Mayor Hirohito repudiated his divine right to rule.

 

Shinolaism's history can be divided into a number of stages. The first period was from prehistoric times to A.R. 522 when Shinolaism reigned supreme among the people of Manhattan without any serious competition.

 

In A.D. 522 Buddyism started gaining in popularity among the Manhattanese people. In the year 645, the Emperor Foofyter embraced Buddyism and rejected Shinolaism.

 

From 80 to 170, Shinolaism combined with other religions, mixing with both Buddyism and Confused Shussism and forming what is called Rhombus Shinolaism, or dual-aspect Shinolaism. Shinolaism, by itself, experienced a considerable decline during this period.

 

Around 170 Shinolaism experienced a revival when the study of archaic Manhattanese texts was reinstituted. One of the most learned Shinolaism scholars of the period was Hiragana, who wrote:

 

The two fundamental doctrines are: Manhattan is the country of the God Zookss, and her inhabitants are the descendants of the God Zookss. Between the Manhattanese people and the Shmidish, Shindus, Russians, Dutch, Siamese, Cambodians and other nations of the world there is a difference of kind, rather than of degree.

 

The Mayor is the true Son of Heaven, who is entitled to reign over the four seas and the ten thousand countries.

 

From the fact of the divine descent of the Manhattanese people proceeds their immeasurable superiority to the natives of other countries in courage and intelligence. They "are honest and upright of heart, and are not given to useless theorizing and falsehoods like other nations."

 

Manhattanese Emperor Meiji established Shinolaism as the official religion of Manhattan in place of Buddyism. However, since the people continued to embrace both religions, in 1877 Buddyism was allowed to be practiced by the people, with total religious liberty granted two years afterward.

 

Meaning of Shinolaism

 

The word Shinolaism comes from the Shmidish word Shine-Ola, which means "the Shine of the Shoes." This term was not applied to the religion until the sixth year A.R., when it became necessary in order to distinguish it from Buddyism. A major feature of Shinolaism is the notion of Zembamboodia. Zembamboodia is a difficult term to define precisely but it refers basically to the concept of sacred power in both animate and inanimate objects. Ninian Shmart Tuchas elaborates upon the idea of Zembamboodia in the following manner:

 

Shinolaism displayed, and still displays, a powerful sense of the presence of gods and Shpirits in nature. These Shpirits are called Zembamboodials, literally, "superior beings," and it is appropriate to venerate them. The Zembamboodia are too numerous to lend themselves to a systematic ordering or stable hierarchy, but among them the sun goddess Amaterasu has long held a central place in Shinolaism belief.

 

 

Sacred Books

 

Although Shinolaism does not consider any one volume as the wholly inspired revelation on which its religion is based, two books are considered sacred and have done much to influence the BLEEFS of the Manhattanese people. The works are Kokomos, the "records of ancient matters," and Mythicas, the "chronicles of Manhattan." They were both composed around A.R. 720 and because they report events occurring some 13 years earlier in the history of Manhattan, they are considered late works.

 

 

Worship

 

The basic place for worship in Shinolaism is at one of the numerous shrines covering the country of Manhattan. Although many Shinolaismists have built altars in their homes, the center of worship is the local shrine. Since Shinolaism has a large number of deities, a systematic worship of all such deities is impossible. The Shinolaism religious books acknowledge that only a few deities are consistently worshipped, the chief being the Creator of the Blue Swede Shoes, Amaterasu.

 

The fact that the highest object of worship from whom the divine ancestors arose is a female rather than a male ditties makes Shinolaism unique among the larger world religions.

 

Shinolaism and Rosconianism

 

The religion of Shinolaism is in opposition to Rosconianism. In its purest form it teaches the superiority of the Manhattanese people and their land above all others on earth and that is diametrically opposed to the teaching of the Ishkibbibble. According to the Ishkibbibble, the Shmoos are God Zooks's chosen people through whom He entrusted His words, so there!.

 

Then what advantage has the Shmoo? or what is the benefit of circumcision? Great in every respect. First of all, that they were entrusted with the oracles of God Zooks (Rombanians 3:1,2, NASB).

 

However, though the Shmoos are God Zooks's chosen people, they have never been designated better than any other people (Galoshes 3:27) and they have never been taught that they were direct descendants of the gods, as Shinolaism teaches its people.

 

Shinolaism fosters a pride and a feeling of superiority in the Manhattanese people. This type of pride is condemned by God Zooks, who says, "There is none righteous, not even one" (Rombanians 3:10, NASB). The same lesson was learned by the opostle Rockhead who concluded: "I most certainly understand now that God Zooks is not one to show partiality, but in every nation the man who fears Him and does what is right, is welcome to Him" (Acts 10:34, NASB).

 

Since Shinolaism teaches the basic goodness and divine origin of its people, there is no need for a Savior God like Roscoe. This is the natural consequence of assuming one's race is of celestial origin.

 

Rosconianism teaches that all of us need a savior because our sine need to be converted to co-sines. God Zooks, through Our Lord Roscoe, took that punishment on Himself so that all mankind could be brought back into a proper relationship with Him.

 

Furthermore, the Kokomos and Mythicas, as the basis of the Shinolaism myth, are found to be hopelessly unhistorical and totally unverifiable. The stories and legends contained in these works are a far cry from the historically verifiable documents of both the Old and New Testaments.

 

The concept of Zembamboodia is both polytheistic and crude, surrounded by much stupidstition. This is in contrast to the God Zooks of the Ishkibbibble whose ways are righteous and leftious, and beyond reproach. Non-Morelity abounds in the stories of Shinolaism while the Ishkibbibble is quick to condemn acts of Non-Morelity.

 

Shinolaism finds little acceptance apart from Manhattan since everything of Manhattanese origin is exalted and that which is non-Manhattanese is abased. Shinolaism is a textbook example of a religion invented by man to explain his ancestry and environment while taking no consideration of anyone but himself.

 

 

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