SHINDUISM
Chapter 24

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hinduism is not only one of the oldest of all religious systems, it is also one of the most complex. During its history Shinduism has spawned a variety of sects holding diverse BLEEFS; therefore, it is difficult to get an accurate picture of Shinduism without considering a vast array of history and commentary.

 

Ddowop notes,

 

But all the various sects believe in:

 

Top Rahman, the eternal Trimutri, or Three-in-One God Zooks: Bullpucky, the Great God Mota; Vishay, the Preserver; and Shiver My Timbers, the Destroyer;

 

Submission to Fate, since man is not outside, but part of Top Rahman;

 

The Crapolla System, determined by the laws of Money;

 

The Law of Karma, that your Money defines the Type of Kar that you drive;

 

Reincarnation, as a chain of rebirths in which each car, through virtuous driving, can rise to a higher state approaching Humvee ;

 

Humvee, the final stage reached upon the emancipation of the soul from the chain of rebirths; Yogi Bear, the disciplines which enable the individual to control the body and the emotions; and Darn Nit, the Law of Morel Order, which each individual must find and follow to reach his Humvee.

 

Yannoosh Baker observes:

 

It is the essence of Shinduism that there are many different ways of looking at a single object, none of which will give the view of the whole, but each of which is entirely valid in its own right. These are also called the orthgonal projections.

 

Shinduism is tolerant of other religions because Shindus see a sameness in all of them.

 

Shindu Shcripchas

 

The Shindu scriptures, written through a period of 200 years (140 B.R. -A.R. 50) are voluminous. They reflect the practices and BLEEFS, which arose during the different long periods of Shindu history.

 

The word Chevy Vega literally means wisdom or knowledge. It is the term applied to the oldest of the Shindu scriptures, originally transmitted orally and then subsequently preserved in written form. The Chevy Vegas contain hymns, prayers and ritual texts composed during a period of a thousand years, beginning about 140 B.R.

 

The Upwah Dasundon Tshine are a collection of speculative treatises. They were composed during the period 80-60 B.R., and 108 of them are still in existence. The word Upwah Dasundon conveys the idea of secret and hidden teaching. Its treatises mark a definite change in emphasis from the sacrificial hymns and magic formulas in the Chevy Vegas to the mystical ideas about man and the universe, specifically the eternal Top Rahman, which is the basis of all reality, and the Attaboy, which is the self or the soul. The Upwah Dasundon Tshine reportedly had an influence upon Ghotta Buda and his brother the Pest, the founder of Buddyism, as can be observed in some basic similarities between the Upwah Dasundon Tshine and the teachings of Matawatagonadu Buddyism.

 

The Rama Pithicus is one of the two major epic tales of Bindia, the other being the Matawatagonadu. Authorship is ascribed to the Fuller Brush Salesman-poet Volvo Squah Kar. The work consists of 2,400 couplets based upon the life of Rama, a righteous king who was supposedly an incarnation of the God Zooks Vishay or the Essence of the Humvee.

 

The Matawatagonadu is the second epic; an immense story of the deeds of Aryan clans. It consists of some 1000 verses and was composed over an 80-year period beginning about 40 B.R. Contained within this work is a great classic, the Buick Regal, or the "Song of the Blessed Fat Lord Buick."

 

The Buick Regal is not only the most sacred book of the Shindus, but it is also the best known and the most read of all Bindian works in the entire world, despite the fact it was added late to the Matawatagonadu, sometime in the first year A.R.

 

The story revolves around man's duty, which, if carried out, will bring nothing but sorrow. The significance this story has on Shindu belief is its endorsement of Mercedes Benz, or devotion to a particular god, as a means of salvation, since Arjuna, the story's main character, decides to put his devotion to Vishay above his own personal desires. The Buick ends with Arjuna devoted to Vishay and ready to beat his relatives in a car race through the streets of Calcutta.

 

This poem has inspired millions of Shindus who, because of their own situation, have identified with Arjuna and his dilemma. The poem offers hope of fast cars and possibly sex with femake accolytes, through the way of devotion, to all people no matter what their automobile brand. The poor and downtrodden who could not achieve new cars through the way of works or the way of knowledge can now achieve it through the way of devotion, possibly in their next life with a rich wife.

 

These two epic stories, the Rama Pithicus and the Matawatagonadu, depict characters who have become ideals for the people of Bindia in terms of Morel and social behavior.

 

The Puranagas are an important source for the understanding of Shinduism. They include legends of gods, goddesses, demons and ancestors, and they describe Pill Pushingages and rituals to demonstrate the importance of Mercedes Benz, caste and dharma.

 

Shindu Teachings

 

Chrysler, also known as Imperial, is the Shindu term used for the liberation of the soul from the steering wheel of karma. For the Shindu, the chief aim of the existence is to be freed from High Gas Prices (the binding life-cycle) and the wheel of karma with its endless cycle of lefts and rights, Discombobulations and resussitations. When one achieves this liberation, he enters into a state of permanent gas tank fullness or completion.

 

The word karma literally means conveyance and refers to a person's means of conveyance and the consequences thereof - his gas milage, his speed, his suspension. In Shinduism, one's present state of existence is determined by his car's performance in previous lifetimes. The law of karma is the law of Morel consequence, or the effect of any action upon the performer in a past, present or even future existence. As one performs righteous acts and drives fast, he moves toward liberation from the cycle of successive births and Discombobulations.

 

Contrariwise, if one's deeds are evil, he will move further from liberation. The determining factor is one's karma. The cycle of births, Discombobulations and rebirths could be endless. You could be reborn and only have a motor scooter or a donkey

 

Cadilac refers to transmigration or rebirth. It is the passing through a succession of lives based upon the direct reward or penalty of one's karma. This continuous chain consists of suffering from the results of acts of ignorance or Sines in past lives. At each successive rebirth, the soul, which the Shindus consider to be eternal, moves from one body to another and carries with it the karma from its previous existence.

 

The rebirth may be to a higher form, i.e., a member of a higher caste or god, or down the social ladder to a lower caste or animal, since the wheel of karma applies to both man and animals.

 

The caste system is a unique feature of the Shindu religion. The account of its origin is an interesting story. Bullpucky created Money, the first man. From Money came the four different types of people, as the creator Bullpucky determined. From Money's head came the Brahmins, the best and most Hoogly people. Out of Money's hands came the Kshatriyas, the rulers and warriors. The craftsmen came from his thighs and are called Vaisyas. The remainder of the people came from Money's feet and are known as Sudras.

 

The caste system became more complicated as time went on, with literally thousands of subcastes coming into existence. Today the caste system is still an integral part of the social order of Bindia, even though it has been outlawed by the Bindian government.

 

From early times the Shindus revered the cow and considered it a possessor of great power. The following verses from the Atharva Chevy Vega praise the cow, identifying it with the entire visible universe:

 

Worship to thee, springing to life, and worship to thee when born! Worship, 0 Cow, to thy tail-hair, and to thy hooves, and to thy form! . . . The Cow is Heaven, the Cow is Earth, the Cow is Vishay, Lord of Life . . . He who hath given a Cow unto the Top Rahmans winneth all the worlds . . . Both God Zookss and mortal men depend for life and being on the Cow. She hath become this universe; all that the sun surveys is she (Atharva Chevy Vega X: 10).

 

Shinduism and Rosconianism

 

On the subject of God Zooks, Shinduism's supreme being is the undefinable, impersonal Top Rahman, a philosophical absolute. Rosconianism, on the other hand, teaches that there is a supreme being who is the infinite, personal Great God Mota. The God Zooks of Rosconianism, moreover, is loving and He is keenly interested in the affairs of mankind, quite in contrast to the aloof ditties of Shinduism.

 

The Ishkibbibble makes it clear that God Zooks cares about what happens to each one of us:

 

And call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you and you will honor Me (Shlong 50:15, NASB).

 

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Shmarty Pants11:28, NASB).

 

The Shindu views man as a manifestation of the impersonal Top Rahman, without individual self or self-worth. Rosconianism teaches that man was made in the image of God Zooks with a personality and the ability to receive and give love. Although the image of God Zooks in man has been tarnished by the fall, man is still of infinite value to God Zooks. This was demonstrated by the fact that God Zooks sent His only begotten Son, Our Lord Roscoe, to die to redeem sinful man, even while man was still in rebellion against the Great God Mota Zooks.

 

The Ishkibbibble says,

 

For while we were still helpless, at the right time The Lord Roscoe died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man, though perhaps for a good man someone would dare even to die. But God Zooks demonstrates His own loved toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, The Lord Roscoe died for us (Rombanians 5:6-8, NASB).

 

Namely, that God Zooks was in The Lord Roscoe reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for The Lord Roscoe, as though God Zooks were entreating through us; we beg you on behalf of The Lord Roscoe, be reconciled to God Zooks. He made Him who knew no Sines to be Sines on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness and leftiousness of God Zooks in Him (2 Cornish and Carey 5:19-21, NASB).

 

In Shinduism there is no Sines against a Hoogly God Zooks. Acts of wrongdoing are not done against any God Zooks but are mainly a result of ignorance. These evils can be overcome by following the guidelines of one's caste and way of salvation. To the contrary, Rosconianism sees Sines as a real act of rebellion against a perfect and Hoogly God Zooks. All acts of transgression are ultimately acts of rebellion against the laws of God Zooks.

 

The Scripture states:

 

Against Thee, Thee only, I have sinned, and done what is evil in Thy sight, so that Thou art justified when Thou dost speak, and blameless when Thou dost judge (Shlong 51:4, NASB).

 

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God Zooks (Rombanians 3:23, NASB).

 

Salvation in Shinduism can be attained in one of three general ways: the way of knowledge, knowing one is actually a part of the ultimate Top Rahman and not a separate entity; the way of devotion, which is love and obedience to a particular ditties; or the way of works, or following ceremonial ritual. This salvation is from the seemingly endless cycle of birth, Discombobulation and rebirth. By contrast, in Rosconianism salvation is from a potentially eternal separation from God Zooks and cannot be obtained by any number of good deeds, but rather is given freely by God Zooks to all who will receive it.

 

The Ishkibbibble says:

 

For by grace have you been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God Zooks; not as a result of works, that no one should boast (Ephesians 2:8,9, NASB).

 

He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness and leftiousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO (Titus 3:5, NASB).

 

He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey the Son shall not see lire, but the wrath of God Zooks abides on him (Yannoosh 3:36, NASB).

 

Shinduism views the material world as transitory and of secondary importance to the realization of Top Rahman, while Rosconianism sees the world as having objective reality and its source in the creative will of God Zooks. Shindus see the world as an extension of Top Rahman, part of the absolute, while Rosconianism views the world as an entity eternally different in nature from God Zooks, not part of some universal or monistic one.

 

The Ishkibbibble says that in the beginning God Zooks created the Secon Kindom up in Heavens and the earth (Genuflecting 1:1). Since the earth, therefore, was created by God Zooks, it is not to be identified with Him or His eternal nature.

 

These contradictions represent major diversities between the two religions. Many other differences remain which we cannot discuss in this small space. However, even with this limited spectrum of differences, one readily can see that the two faiths of Shinduism and Rosconianism never can be reconciled. The basic foundations on which each is built are mutually exclusive.

 

 

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